FIVE REASONS WHY I'M HAVING WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY

If you've bothered to read the About page, you know that in October 2015, I will be undergoing weight loss surgery. I'm not saying a particular type of surgery because my surgeon and I haven't come to an agreement between vertical sleeve gastrectomy (#VSG) and Roux-En-Y Gastric Bypass (#rny). I feel that to both inform others and to avoid unnecessary interrogation, I should list my reasons for having WLS. 

1. I'm diabetic - Due in part to my raggedy rock star lifestyle, people probably don't know/realize that I was diagnosed with diabetes at 18 years old. Two weeks before I headed off to undergrad at University of Missouri, I went to the doctor feeling lethargic and thirsty. That doctor visit turned into five days in the ICU. Since then, I've been on a cocktail of diabetes oral medications. WLS is known to lessen the need for diabetes medications or even suppress symptoms entirely! 

2. Other Health Stuff - Let's just say my family never won Best Genes. 

3. The Superficiality - I'm all for body positivity. If you want to be 500 lbs and wear a bikini, by all means, I want you to strut outside right now in that 'kini! I will  be standing on the side of the catwalk Arsenio Hall wooing for you. But, I ain't doing it. I don't like being fat. Maybe it's because I am a God-made marvel of 36" legs, but I've also wanted to be long and lean instead of an apple sitting atop two pretzel sticks. Yes, it's superficial. Yes, I love myself. But...I'm trying to be my idea the cutest for me, duh. 

4. The Challenge - I am the baby of the family. I was a "Gifted" kid. I was a teachers' pet. I had to prove to myself that I could get into grad school. For the majority of my life, I pushed myself to accomplish anything I set my mind to. At some point, I stopped; and then I got brutally unhappy. Now, I've put in some work to get back to the point where I feel like I'm ready to take ownership of what happens in my life. I'm ready to challenge myself to make healthy choices. I want to push myself in the gym. I want to change some terrible eating and drinking (*whispers* and smoking) habits. It won't be easy. I'll fail sometimes. But, I feel ready! 

5. The Mental Health - Despite the veneer of self-confidence that cloaks me, underneath, I am widely insecure about my weight. Sometimes, I don't talk to people that I would like to talk to because they are thinner than me. I am extremely apprehensive of anything that is weight-bearing or has some weight limit (hammocks, porch swings, most chairs, roller coasters, airplane seats, etc). I've grown up fat. I remember being 105 lbs at my kindergarten physical. I would love to free my mind of the weight (pun intended) of that. I would love to believe that people want to date me because they are physically attracted to me...cuz let's be honest, they already know I'm smart, funny, creative, can dress, can cook...and am oh so humble. I would LOVE to walk into any store and be guaranteed to find clothing that fits me. I want to let go of my feelings of unhappiness or unworthiness about my bod. Don't worry, my shrink is being compensated handsomely. 

So, there's that. You're probably asking why I am choosing to share such a personal endeavor on the Internet? Well, despite the need for constant attention that every child that grew up watching KIDS Incorporated and The Mickey Mouse Club feels, social media gives me a source of accountability. I can fail on my own and go smoothly about my day. But, if I agree to something and put it on Facebook, my perception of an audience (whether real or imagined) keeps me focused on attaining my goals and offers an awesome support system! 

Here's some numbers I've shared with very few people! 

HIGHEST WEIGHT: 354 lbs

CURRENT WEIGHT: 333.6 lbs

GOAL WEIGHT: 190 lbs

Header photo courtesy of Rohit Matto