69 Weeks Post Op - Social Media & Such
I was looking through Facebook at some old pictures yestersday. And I stopped in my tracks...or whatever the equivalent is of stopping in your tracks while browsing through a website...stopped in my clicks???
I was mesmerized by a picture of myself and my friend Laura with deliciously talented and FWINNNNNE performer, Jidenna.
As I was looking at the picture, all these feelings starting rushing back to me. Feelings that I despised. Feelings of self-hatred. I know it's politically correct to be body positive; and if you feel great in your body, whatever it may be, that is amazing. I did not. I HATED being fat. I didn't push that judgement on others, but I just did not feel comfortable in my own skin.
With the development off apps like TimeHop and Facebook's On This Day feature, I wonder if people are triggered by old photographs of themselves. Admittedly, for me, it's not seeing the pictures that is most traumatizing. Remembering the way I felt about myself, my emotional state, and the way I was coping with those things is what I find most upsetting.
Basking in these present feelings of self-acceptance, how does one come to forgive yourself for the upsets of the past when they are seemingly plastered all over the Internet?
I'm not sure what the answer is. I'm not sure that anyone does. But, I know the one place where the answer is not...at least not for me. Weight loss support groups on social media. Now, admittedly, I'm not one to bite my tongue or mince words, but I try to be polite on social media. Every time I go into a WLS support group, particularly on Facebook (YouTube and Instagram seem to be pretty supportive), someone is riding on their high horse trying to tell other people what is right or wrong. No one gets to tell me what is right or wrong for my body other than a surgeon or doctor...or me.
I can't deal with that kind of in-fighting. It's immature, and I'm just a little too petty to back down when someone says something that can literally be proven incorrect with logical explanation or research. As I'm sure you may have noticed if you've followed my weight loss journey at all, my posts have become less and less frequent. My WLS Instagram is often ignored. And if I had a camera devoted to making YouTube videos, it would be dusty.
I never had the option of joining a support group as so many WLS patients are required to. For the first year of my journey, I don't think I needed any support. I was KILLING it. But, staying THAT dedicated to the social media of weight loss has started to seem like more of a chore than something I'm excited to do. Maybe it will come back when the seasons change. I am sitting between 20-30 lbs from goal weight, and I just want to GET THERE! Maybe I should just rededicate myself to the soc med posting if it will get these lbs off! I've stalled for months now and I hate it!
For comparison purposes from the pic above...but mainly because my friends are cute AF!
